Mar 20
I quit my job … again.
I quit my job again. In the past year, I quit two jobs.
Nonetheless, now that I’m actively looking for jobs again, I feel like an alien.
First, I was formally diagnosed with adult ADHD recently. I knew that I had ADHD, but I did not expect to switch jobs this quickly. Why do I feel like an alien? Because I am:
- Effective and efficient. Since I can get things done so quickly, I keep taking on new projects. Therefore, I’m constantly overwhelmed.
- Almost too quick to learn everything. As a result, I suffer from boredom all the time.
- Jack of all trades, master of none. I can do almost everything, but then I lose motivation again.
Honestly, being a twenty-eight-year-old ADHD woman SUCKS. I can’t imagine settling anywhere.
The turmoil of constantly getting bored of jobs, trying out new things/jobs/projects, receiving judgments from friends and family, and finally losing the motivations — and repeat. It makes me feel like a mouse running on a wheel. I am chasing a dream that I never had.
What is a dream? I don’t have a dream. I change my dream job every 2 weeks (or less).
“We have become a civilization based on work — not even “productive work” but work as an end and meaning in itself — David Graeber, Bullshit Jobs: A Theory
You’re right, David. I’m looking for jobs, and I see the pattern of ‘bullshit’ jobs out there. I can’t seem to find a role that fits me.
Moreover, after the past seven-months experience as a content marketer in blockchain, I can confidently tell you that bullshit jobs will be there forever. Why is that? Consumers need it.
I can’t tell you how disappointed I was when I had to create meaningless and empty content for consumers to read.
As a content marketer in blockchain, I realized long ago that consumers don’t want to understand the mechanisms of blockchain. They only want to know which altcoin profits the most in 2022 and which NFT project has the highest return of investment.
Everyone talked about burnout, anxiety, depression, and leaving their 9–5 jobs during the COVID-19 pandemic. But nearly three years later, nothing has changed.
I can still see words like productivity, passive income, and side hustles. I don’t feel that the world or the people has changed much. It’s almost like we need to drown ourselves with toxic productivity to feel successful.
A brand new me — I have hobbies!
Speaking of toxic productivity, I have hobbies again!
I can’t tell you how happy I am to move past toxic productivity. I no longer take online classes for the stupid certificates; I no longer need to work on projects that are beneficial for my resume; I no longer need to think about work. I no longer feel guilty about taking a break from work. I think about my hobbies!
Right now, I just moved past a podcast concept that focuses on personal development and careers. I’m starting two new personal projects — a brand new podcast with a different topic with a friend, and a series of short films with a mockumentary style.
Therefore, I’m learning more about videography, films, video editing, and storytelling (in films).
Because I’m different, so people judge me all the time
I didn’t tell many friends of mine about quitting my job. I remember people’s comments and judgements when I told them that I wanted to quit my PhD last year.
This year, I’ve decided to keep my business to myself (OK, but you’re reading it now, so that means I do want to share it with you).
I can’t tell you how defeated I feel sometimes. Yes, I’m always doing something new, but people don’t always see an eye to eye with my behaviors. I’m impulsive, risk-seeking, and nonconforming.
A lot of people find me repulsive, even if they don’t want to admit it. Because when everyone goes right, I go left. As a result, any authority figure detests me. Teachers, professors, supervisors, managers, bosses … you name it.
My work style is extremely chaotic (topped with that ADHD problem) — I have trouble planning out a project. I don’t work very well with others. I am creative, yet I can’t execute ideas.
I’m not proud of myself. Right before quitting my job, I went on Reddit to ask other ADHDers for help. The idea that I’d never be like others scare the heck out of me.
